Dazed And Confused.=
Dazed And Confused.=

I was standing butt naked in the middle of the hotel corridor, with the door to my room locked behind me. My friend's room was adjacent to mine, so I banged on his door but he must have gone out. I was ruined. Then I heard some voices. I guessed which room they were in and was about to knock, but then I figured that I couldn't really knock on a stranger's door naked. I spotted a fire extinguisher hanging on a wall, picked it up, placed it in front of my junk, and knocked. The door opened revealing a woman in her late 30s. Her eyes opened so wide I thought they would pop out. 'Funny story.' I smiled as wide as I could. 'I wanted to go to my bathroom and locked myself out. Would you be so kind as to help me out with a towel?' She looked at me, still not saying anything and all of a sudden closed the door shut. Dang. Would I have to do the same naked stunt at every door until someone would finally decide to help me out? But then the door opened up again. The woman was handing me a towel the size of a handkerchief. 'Look, I'm really in trouble here. All I want is a towel to be able to go downstairs to the lobby and get the reception to unlock my door for me.' The door closed again. A minute passed, then at last she opened the door and handed me a towel. I think that's the hardest she had ever tried not to laugh her whole life. But I didn't care. I had never felt so cool as the moment I put the towel around my waist. I was the king of the world, and nothing could break me."

What Is Happening?
What Is Happening?

"I was part of a group traveling to a friend's wedding in another state. We needed to stay one night in a motel in rural Pennsylvania and I shared a room with a fellow member of the group that I didn't know. A big red Irish man, he turned out to be an NYC police officer who shared the adult beverages he brought with me. I passed out by midnight but he was just getting started. At 1:30 am, wearing only underwear, he took a bible from the nightstand and began preaching at the top of his lungs out the window. Guests awakened, a crowd gathered, and the overmatched staff called the cops. When they arrived, they assumed we were a gay couple and really wanted to kick our butts. Big Red, of course, was threatening to smite the lot of them. When I said I'd only just met the guy, it sounded even worse. Only the badge and my friends saved us. Seemingly disappointed, the cops dumped any remaining drinks, gave us a warning, and left."

No Credit, Lots Of Problems
No Credit, Lots Of Problems

"I had been traveling for work. In addition to charges, hotels will hold deposits on your credit card for several days. Since neither of the 2 associations I had done speeches for had paid me yet I found myself with $3 and a flight that wouldn't leave until the next day. Fortunately, a hotel let me stay on my assurance that money would be in my account the next day. I had just finished a speech and got one of the attendees to give me a ride back to my hotel. When we arrived he said he would come in with me and buy a drink at the bar. To my horror, when we arrived the clerk showed me my luggage, told me that my credit card had been declined and requested my immediate departure. The attendee looking more than surprised said he didn't have time for a drink after all and left. This was doubly embarrassing because he was a member of the association that had hired me, and I knew others would be hearing about it. I took the shuttle back to the airport where I picked up another shuttle to a different hotel. I figured I could just hang out there until morning and then ride back to the airport. While wandering around I passed a banquet room with a buffet in progress. Being averse to starving I went in and started helping myself to some food. As I was piling it up a man came over and introduced himself. After we shook hands he said he noticed I wasn't wearing a name tag. I said that I was a professional speaker and usually didn't bother with name tags. He said we don't have a speaking program for this meeting. Shocked, I said, 'maybe I'm in the wrong place. Isn't this the Plumbing Heating Cooling Contractors Association?' He said, 'no this is the Arizona Sheriffs Association.' 'Yes,' I said, 'I'm definitely in the wrong place,' as I turned and left."

Freezing False Alarm
Freezing False Alarm

"My daughter was a baby and we had a collapsible playpen type thing for a bed. She had a really bad cold and was really stuffy. It was really late at night and she was fussy and couldn't sleep.

I put her playpen in the bathroom and ran the shower on hot to get some steam to clear up her sinuses so she could sleep. We were in there for a while and she had finally gotten to sleep so I opened the door to the bedroom to leave the bathroom.

All of that steam went out of the bathroom and immediately set off the fire alarm to the hotel. The entire hotel had to be evacuated in the middle of the night in the winter in Anchorage, Alaska. Everyone had to stand outside in the dark and cold in their various states of undress until the fire department cleared the hotel.

I don't think my daughter ever got to sleep that night but I learned that steam can set off a fire alarm and I never made that mistake again."

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